Today, in NYC our Starlight family, will gather in a celebration of life of our beloved Scotty B. I imagine it will be the most of bitter-sweet reunions; a juxtaposition of competing emotions.
Since the shooting, I have been trying to wrap my mind around the horrific tragedy - both as a friend and as an educator.
As a friend I am heartbroken, angry, frustrated. I didn't know how much I missed having Scott in my life, until I found out that we would never have the opportunity to see each other again. For the past decade+, Scott was part of my past, but as anyone who has experienced summer camp knows, I always knew it only would take a phone call or a run-in on the street, to pick up where we last left off. Camp memories and friendships are never too distant. Ironically, it is Scott’s death that has also reminded me, and I imagine many of us, just how true that sentiment is. Additionally, how profound an impact those relationships had and continue to have in one another’s life. I am saddened that Scott - his joy, laughter, sarcasm, inspiration, companionship - is now only a memory but grateful to relive those memories and be reunited with so many others.
As an educator, I have been able to find inspiration from the teenager I remember Scott to be and the man I have learned he had become . Teaching has taken on a whole new perspective. Well, maybe not a new perspective but a renewed and rejuvenated one - absent of “burn-out” and inspired with hope and joy. It feels a bit uncomfortable to admit that in the wake of such a horrific tragedy, and the loss of a friend, that I would face my classroom with such joy and laughter; but it is the loss that’s inspired the joy, Scott has inspired the joy.
In the past week, each morning as I enter my classroom I say to myself, today is dedicate to Scott. In the first couple of days after the shooting I started each period saying to my students, “today I am dedicating class to my friend Scott. Although I never knew him as an educator, I imagine his classroom was filled with chaotic calm and laughter. Let’s honor his memory and the memory of the 16 other victims through our learning.”
For my students they understood, that this was my way of committing to try to keep my cool and channel my patience and LOVE.
Scott’s life, death, and memory has provided me the clarity as to what I value most about the teaching and learning of mathematics; the RELATIONSHIPS I cultivate with my students, both as individuals and mathematicians. If there is one thing I can learn from Scott, it is from his incredible ability to form relationships that were valued, trusted, and inspired/supported the growth of all parties. Scott has reminded me that the relationships I form with my students, in addition to the relationships my students are thus able to form among themselves, is the foundation to a supportive and positive classroom environment in which learning happens. In a school environment where students are reduced to mere data points and thus one that is often filled with toxicity and frustration, Scott's life and legacy will be a saving grace for me and my students as we continue to swim upstream.
Today, our Starlight family will come together #starlightstrong to celebrate the life of Scott Beigel, of a man who single handedly made all our lives better (whether he knew it or not). Though I am not there, I will be celebrating his life along side my Starlight family, today and everyday.
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