A year ago today, Winter Break 2017, I was desperately searching for reprieve. Sitting at the edge of the ocean, listening to the waves crash down on the shore, tears streamed down my face wondering how I was going to muster up the the strength to go back to work come the new year. I was lost, professionally and personally. I was consumed by the anxiety of who and what I felt colleagues, family, and friends expected me to be and do and who and what I was doing and wanted for myself (both in and outside of work), causing a tailspin of depression. Consequently I had slowly become a teacher I vowed I'd never be - one who hated showing up to work, that lost her cool at the drop of a hat - bright faced yelling out of frustration for no real reason - and created the opposite of welcoming learning environment.
As I sat on the beach that day, I knew I couldn't continue doing what I was doing - but not for just me, for my students. My students deserved either a healthy me or not me at all. Something had to change, and deep down I knew I didn't want it to be teaching. Now, a year later, having worked my way out of that deep depression, (through the help of weekly therapy) I hope to share reflections not on what I have or have not done to impact my students lives, but rather pay tribute to my students; reflecting on their actions and decisions which have in-turn changed my life, inspiring me to work towards finding healing and happiness, for them and most importantly for myself.
The post to follow will be a journaling of my continued personal journey in search of self-care, self-love, and a healthy and sustainable work-life balance as a passionate educator.
